Lately I have been acting like a dumb bitch.
I allowed love or what i thought was love, what felt like love, control me and control my whole life. I've allowed it to make me do things that i normally wouldn't have done. I've allowed it to have me going against my personal beliefs and values. I've allowed it to shape the way i treated my friends I've treasured long before "love" came along. I've changed the way i thought, acted, and spoke all in the name of "love". I've allowed it to have believing things that i knew to be untrue. I have been a Fool for "love."
I've allowed "LOVE" to "LOVE" everyone except me.
Oh how I've been a fool for "love". The funny part is i considered my self to be a very intelligent, and realistic woman. I've always been Ms.Practical, and was never the one to be caught up in things that aren't tangible. My specialty was reality. Love, oh love, what a fast one you pulled on me. You crept up on me like a thief in the night, you calmed me with your false reassurance, you made me believe that i was in control. "Love" you brought me some of my highest highs and my fondest memories. "Love" you tested me with small issues to see if i could withstand the rain and together we weathered the storm. You allowed me to see sunny skies, with endless sunshine. "Love" you had me up so high that there was no place to go but down.
"LOVE" you dropped me so hard and so fast i never knew what hit me. I never saw it coming, i was blinded sided by the best. I thought it had to be a mistake, that couldn't have been ya true intentions, not my "Love", and surely not to me. My "love" would never ever do such a thing to me, so i tried to right the wrong. I tried to get into line with my "love", because it wasn't my "love" it had to be me. So i made changes to make myself more lovable for my "love". I did what "love" asked me to do, I needed this "love" to "love" me. I tried and tried and tried even when i knew that it was a lost cause and that my "love" was no longer in "love". I fought a fight, the hardest I've ever fought, because as we all know finding and keeping "love" is the one
hardest fights that we'll ever fight.
But i have too admit, "love" kicked my ass, it whooped me good. My "love" had me second guessing my own self, it had me thinking the issue was internal. "Love" will sometimes do that to
you ya know! My "love" had me so screwed up mentally, it had me stressing something serious. My heart was was racing, my blood pressure was up, my appearance took a dive, my house was in an eternal state of chaos, my clothes no longer fit, my appetite was either no existent, or insatiable I was not at my best in no way shape or form.
It took a while and many self talks but i finally was able to pull myself from the grasp of "love". I began to get the notation that "love" wasn't fighting fair, and that i would not only never win, but also never even have a fair chance at winning.
I've removed myself from the situation and removed "love" from my immediate surroundings.
So in other words "LOVE" don't live here anymore.
*After rereading this i realized i come off slightly bitter, although i may be at the moment. It wont be a permanent thing for me. I do wish to embrace love and everything that comes with it, just not love of this caliber*
